Thus, it is fundamental to know that to achieve this, we must be prepared to accept the fact that we do not really know the people we think we know.
Indeed, we must realize that you are subject to their demands, their judgments and their toxic behaviors.
What other people think of you is their reality, not yours
As a result, we feel used as puppets subject to the bad mood of others; which usually turns into internal and external conflicts.
It is possible that because of this, we felt that these people “do not really live, and do not let others live” and as a result, they slow down our development, theirs, and the flourishing of a relationship that could be healthy but has become poisonous.
However, these people may not be fully aware of all the malaise they are triggering, and they may not ask themselves if what they are doing or feeling is hurting others.
They are drowned and stuck in this vortex from which they can not leave unless they provide great efforts and bring a real awareness.
You must take emotional distance
We can not always physically distance ourselves from the people who make our daily life difficult, because they are close , work colleagues, or people very present in our environment .
However, we agree that, despite the power of physical distance, what makes the difference tangibly is the emotional distance.
For this, we must do a job on ourselves to gather all the necessary forces to keep us out of their capacity for action, and thus avoid that these people do not have too much influence on us.
But then, how?
Enjoy the benefit of anticipation
You surely know how this person will react to this or that situation. So, take advantage of this to protect yourself.
Set the bar high when you give credit to other people
Do not give credit to people who are malicious and will not bring you anything.
For that, take inspiration from a traditional Socratic teaching that offers the possibility of filtering the comments of others as well as ours.
The young disciple of a wise philosopher arrives at this one and says to him:
“Master, one of your friends spoke of you maliciously.
– Hold on ! Interrupts the philosopher. Have you already passed through the three filters what you will tell me?
– The 3 filters?
– Yes. The first is the truth. Are you sure that what you want to say to me is absolutely certain?
– No, I heard him tell a few neighbors.
– At least, will you have at least passed through the second filter, which is that of goodness? What do you want to tell me, is it good for someone?
– In fact, no. On the contrary … that then!
– The last filter is that of necessity. Is it necessary to let me know what worries you so much?
– To tell the truth, no.
“Then,” said the sage, smiling, “if it be neither true nor good nor necessary, let him be forgotten.”
You have to learn to get away from some people, to be happy
Manage your expectations
Sometimes we expect so much from others that we are unable to accept reality as it really is.
At this point, we must accept that we do not know so well the people we expect a lot and who constantly disappoint us.
It also allows us to re-evaluate our expectations of other people, who can be very demanding, biased and even pollute us with terrible feelings of unhappiness.
Once you have successfully filtered the wrong actions , you will focus on your growth opportunities, and you will stop using your strengths as a consequence of the toxicity of the environment.
See also: How we waste our life (without even noticing it)
Keep your perspective in mind to lead to indifference
When you start to feel and understand that you have come down from that famous roller coaster that shut you up, you will be able to forget the worries that this person or member of your entourage was giving you.
Then you will free yourself from these insecurities and from the inordinate reactions that conflicts have provoked in you.
Once you are free, your mind will clear and you will be ready to expose your feelings , fears and thoughts .
This effort will guarantee you a quick result and you will become aware of the need to distance yourself from certain people.
Life is so brief that it does not deserve to be invaded by useless anxieties .
Conclusion: like the people who do you good and stay away from those who are harmful to you.