Do you wake up at night sometimes not knowing exactly what day you are and where you are? Or, have you ever thought of dying because you felt acute pain in your stomach, eventually figuring out that it was only an anxiety attack?
Anxiety is like in Asterix and Obelix, it looks like you just fell in when you were little. You have no idea how it happened, you only know that the ball inside of you appeared at a given moment, and that the only thing to do so that it disappears temporarily is to breathe hard .
I am convinced that one of your former relationships was completely ruined by this anxiety that comes and goes. Because your spouse thought you were mentally disturbed, very unstable, alternating moments of laughter, tears, doubts and insomnia.
At one point, you even thought you were bipolar. So you read all the possible publications on the web thinking that your ex was right, and that there was something really wrong in your head.
So your doctor, you asked 4-5 questions, which led to a prescription antidepressants, which you probably took 5 pounds, to ultimately make you even more distressed.
I came, I saw, I won.
I promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. When you finally understand that you are not completely crazy and accept that you suffer from anxiety, and that there is nothing you can do, you will lose a good 15 pounds of weight on your shoulders. The weight of not being up, not being as social and relaxed as your friends, or having disappointed people in the past.
Because there is nothing worse than making a good impression and playing the inner calm, until at some point your spouse realizes that you are someone half stable.
Personally, my partner realized after only a short time, when I started to cry quite suddenly before going to bed. My best friend had just moved to the other side of the world, and I just had an anxiety attack related to loneliness.
He blamed the wine, to finally realize that it was just who I am. When I forget my subway pass at home and that I realize when arriving at the station, a great panic invades me. When I realize that it will rain all Saturday and Sunday, I fear that the summer will be terrible. When I insist on taking a path and finally it’s completely clogged, a huge ball inside me pops up and my life stops for a moment. But sometimes I wake up with great inner happiness, and there is nothing that can reach me.
My spouse taught me not to be afraid, to laugh at my episodes of crying “on the wine”, to just hug me when I worry about little things, to listen to myself and not not judge me, ever. He learned to love me, an anxious person.
And you too deserve to find someone who will accept and love your anxiety. Because that’s what makes your charm. I’m sure you always worry a lot about others, and you want all the time that everyone is happy around you, sometimes hurting you.