When it comes to breaks, everyone seems to be focusing on the person who is being left behind and the emotional pain of that person. People tend to judge who is gone, thinking that getting away is the easiest thing to do.
But it’s not. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing you’ll have to do.
There are times when you do not want to leave, but it’s actually the only choice you have. Sometimes you still love the person you leave behind, but you just have to decide it’s time to start loving yourself more.
There comes a time when you have to choose between your mental health and your relationship – between you and the other. And it’s not selfish to choose oneself. Your heart can tell you the opposite, but your reason knows it’s the only thing to do.
It’s not loose either. There are times when you need more courage to leave than to stay. You are fully aware of the consequences – you know that you will be devastated once you leave this person, but you will do it anyway. You know that you have made the right decision for your own good.
Yes, you will be heartbroken when you leave. But, you know that you will be broken in more ways than one if you stay. So, you decide to choose yourself, for the first time. You decide to turn your back on the only person you could like.
I speak knowingly. I left the person I loved and would probably love forever. And it was one of the hardest choices I had to make.
We all have this person who will always be our weakness. But, unfortunately, it’s usually the wrong person for us. I had a very toxic relationship. When I look at things from today’s point of view, I can not say that this person was the only one who was toxic. I think we were toxic and bad for each other.
Sometimes two people share a strong love and a passion for each other, but they are simply not compatible. You can say that these are things you can work on, but if you both have a strong temperament and both of you are stubborn, things will never work the way they should. Yes, you can try to compromise everything and it will be a good solution for a moment. But, sooner or later, your differences will resurface.
I loved someone who was bad to me. And that person loved me, even though I was bad for him. Maybe we were masochistic and that was why we loved each other a lot or maybe we would have liked each other even more if we had been compatible for each other, I’ll never know. But I knew from the beginning that our relationship was doomed to failure. At first, I did not think of anything serious and let my passions guide me.
I tried to fight those feelings. I tried to leave the moment I realized that I was losing control of myself. It was the first time in my life that my reason could not dominate my heart. Maybe that’s why it was so good.
This relationship made me cross an emotional roller coaster. At times, I felt like I was at the top of the world and the next day I was in a black hole. This person had that kind of impact on me and there was nothing I could do about it.
Instead of feeling relaxed and happy in a relationship, I began to feel more stressed and overwhelmed than ever before.
We both tried to break more often than I could count. But something kept bringing us back to each other. I thought the rare moments of peace that I had with were worth all that I was going through negative. And I thought that person was going to change. In fact, I thought we were both going to change. But things were getting worse and worse.
The moment I realized that all this affected my physical and mental health more than I needed, I knew I had to leave. So I did it. And it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my life. But I knew it had to be done.
At first, I was consumed with guilt. I thought I could do something more. I thought things would be different if I were different. I considered myself selfish, thinking only of my own good. I thought I was leaving when that person needed me the most.
After the guilty period, I started crying. My heart was broken and I was responsible for it. My mind was fighting a battle with my heart every day. And he almost lost.
But, I continued. But I do not know how I managed to do it. Basically, I knew it would be foolish for me to return to this person. I know we would have been happy for a short period of time, and before we even realized it, we would have been trapped in this endless circle of arguments and reconciliations. And it’s not a base for a healthy relationship and for a healthy life.
Of course, when you are in this phase, all that is negative and all the things that led you to leave seem small and irrelevant. You only think of happy memories and all the times you have been happy.
But, then the reality hits you. You know that you have to do it if you want to survive. You know that you have no future and that you can not live in the moment.
And you live day after day. And every day, it becomes a little easier.
I have never really stopped loving this person and I do not know if it will be different one day.
But I learned to live without her. And I know that I made the right decision when I left. I know that I had the courage to make a decision that changed my life and saved me.