Trust others: I have trouble trusting someone

There are those who have no difficulty in trusting others while others are always suspicious. Being wary of other people is not a problem in itself. However, too much mistrust can cause problems in relationships. Indeed, we must not forget that we are social beings, we need to interact with each other.

And if I do not trust any other person, I will inevitably find myself isolated and feel isolated at some point. And that’s the risk.

I know, I’m probably not the only person who has difficulty trusting others. I am not the only one to have been made by people who had bad intentions.

I know that before that did not bother me more than that, because honestly you can not start a serious relationship without being certain that your stories before are well and truly past . So, yes sometimes I already knew the end but most of the time it was like that.

I confess that now, I’m a little tired of being fooled by this kind of person. However, in the end, we learn from our past mistakes, it makes us even stronger and anyway I think I was just not ready to love someone. I would say it’s 2-3 months that I feel really ready but I feel that there are so few people looking for stability that it feels like it no longer exists.

That’s why you are such a wary person to open you to love and so wary of letting a person into your life.

I have difficulty giving my trust because I have heard so many lies that I really have a hard time believing that I finally came across an honest person. It is nice to promise that what they tell me is the truth, but unfortunately some promised me the same thing and it was only lies that made me suffer . However, you may be the first person to keep your promises, but understand that I can not believe it because of my past.

I will also admit that it scares me to be so good with you, I do not feel that I will want to get away from you and sometimes I miss you. In fact, it scares me. I have the impression that I have to go on being suspicious because every time the flow went well it did not work at all. I know, we can not really know whether or not this relationship will work and that I should not be afraid. I should only go for it, but I can not do it. I think too much and it makes me suspicious of everything.

It is possible that you are a different person, that you are a good person and someone of real. But I am so suspicious about everything surrounding love that I need time. I walk slowly because I want to be sure that this person is real with me as much as I try to be with him. It’s only a question of trust because I do not want to suffer and open up for nothing again.

So why do I have so much trouble trusting other people

There are several hypotheses: the first is related to childhood.

A child needs adults to live. He is therefore dependent on those who take care of him to ensure his well-being and survival. During childhood, the child may feel that his / her parents do not intervene quickly enough to take care of him / her. He may then develop mistrust of his parents. This mistrust can be reinforced by anxious parents. Indeed, as long as they tell the child to be wary of people, not to trust strangers without first defining who is an unknown, then the child can develop a tendency to be suspicious of everyone . As an inheritance, they received this mistrust.

See also: 10 things that happen because of an emotionally neglected childhood

Other people will have trouble trusting because at one point in their lives, they felt betrayed by another person: a spouse who breaks suddenly, a family member who lies to us, a colleague who assigns our merits, etc. And they will sometimes generalize this unfortunate experience to all human beings by eventually sparing those who are irreproachable … for now. In the latter case, there is too much idealization of what the relationship should be to the other.

How to trust other people?

1. Finding the source of ill-being

Identifying the sources of mistrust can be a first step towards healing. Perhaps even as you read the reasons behind the mistrust above, some of you will recognize yourself in one or more situations.

Once the source is identified, you will become more tolerant in your judgment toward others. It’s the beginning of a change.

Thereafter, the therapeutic work consists in making the suspicious individual understand that the threat is only legitimate for those who have betrayed their trust in the past.

See also: 9 signs that you have been emotionally neglected during childhood

2. Have enough self-confidence

The relationship to others is not without risks. Indeed, there is always the risk of being disappointed by others. And to bounce back after a disappointment, you must have the resources to react well to this disappointment and continue despite everything to try to go to other people.

For this reason, failing to trust is very often linked to a lack of self-confidence. Because in the background, if I have confidence in myself I am able to go to others easily although I know there is a chance that others reject me or disappoint me. I know for a fact that this is all part of the game.

3. Write your positive experiences

To get rid of a bad habit, it is important to create a new one because the unconscious has a horror of emptiness.

Beware of other people is a bad habit you have taken. So you have to set up a new good habit. For this, take a notebook and a pen. You will start by writing all your positive past experiences where others (I am talking about all those you have encountered in your life) have shown themselves worthy of your trust.

These may be innocuous positive things or of greater importance. Everyone has had such experiences. Then each day you will continue to complete your notebook with small or large positive experiences where the other will behave as an ally with you. In a quick enough way, this will help you put the bad experiences into perspective.

See also: 6 types of emotional abuse that narcissistic parents inflict on their children

4. Clarify the situation with the other person

Those who have trouble trusting sometimes think that the other is purposely betraying them. But people are not always aware of the harm they can do by failing to arrive on time, forgetting a birthday or giving back something. Even when you are not suspicious of other people, somebody betrays the trust they have been given. In these cases, it is best to explain oneself calmly with the other.

For that, you can use nonviolent communication (NVC) explained for example in the book “The words are windows” by Marshall Rosenberg.

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