To you, the woman who has been just passing through my life but who has marked me in the worst way unimaginable. The other day, I saw on social networks a text that made me vibrate the sensitive strings deep within me. This text was entitled ” Message to the girl who completely destroyed it ”. I read and reread it and myself being the author of tickets on my heartbreaking love story, this text came so much for me that I took the emotions that ensued from it.
In fact, it made me realize that I had never enlightened the actions of the woman who made me suffer the most in this universe just like him and I was dying for it. When I mention suffering, I only scratch the surface, since, honestly, I do not have a word powerful enough to express the extent of this pain. To give you an idea of greatness, my brother has put an end to his life as a young man, and this suffering is very funny.
A pain of love is difficult to live, imagine now that this sentence was for someone for whom you had a crush, that it was your first love at first sight of your adult life, the perfect match. There, I do not speak of perfect match of our 18 years … I speak of a gift from heaven, that you only live for this person, that you endured the unimaginable and that you were ready to leave your skin for save his life. You did everything in your power to take care of it and she and her son are happy. A dedication out of the ordinary if I can call it that. Do you understand the intensity of this love?
Believe it or not … she gave me the same pain of love 5 times! Love makes you blind and I am living proof of it. The time she decimated me, I offered her my love. The time she took my happiness and esteem, I offered her my soul and my support. The time she destroyed me, I offered her my help. The time she humiliated me, I offered her my heart all healed. The time she wiped me out, I offered her opportunities. You will tell me, how did she succeed in her blows and how is it possible to reduce to nothing someone who loved you madly and especially who never hurt you? The answer … The hope that she gave me a glimpse of, the doubt she was lurking, the uncertainty that she showed of a possible future in addition to a lack of empathy for the pain she gave me. inflicted. Why did I fall in the trap?
Because I am a person who gives with all my heart and without counting, who does not protect himself and who suffers from his vulnerability. An honest and generous man. She? Toxic, selfish, egocentric are some terms that come to my mind. Some of my entourage have been described as narcissistic, twisted and nasty. It absorbs all that is offered and gives nothing back. Certainly, it attaches to people but will never really love them. She has no idea what self-investment is, the compromises and challenges that a real relationship can bring. Dangerous as a combination between me and her you say !?
Surely and I have the body, the heart and the soul atrophied with pain to prove it!
Whenever we went away, she came back to the charge and managed to sneak into my thoughts to change her composition so that I left on a wave of hope. Phrases of the style ” I miss you a lot ”, ” I do not want to give you false hopes but I miss you ”, ” I care about you ”, ” I do not know what that I want in my life ”, ” I’m not telling you that we’ll come back together someday, but I do not say the opposite ”, ” I’m afraid you’ll meet someone and get lost in never again ”, ” I am so afraid of regretting it ”. She even came back to my house once to make sure I crack. She took my hand and put her head on my chest. She said so well in my arms. She said she wanted to fight not to lose me but never lifted a finger. Reluctantly mentioning to him ” you must now let me go ” … a categorical no, a ” I do not want to let you go ”.
It resurfaced when my heart began to heal as if it felt when I picked up. She spots a picture on Facebook on which I seem to be happy and boom! Even being blocked from my social media, she has infiltrated via a friend on two occasions. When my heart was beating almost at full speed, she reappeared and left immediately after some discussions, expressing that she apologized, that she regretted having broken my heart yet that we could not be together since could take months or even years to connect. The last nail in my coffin that she managed?
She told me that her ex wanted to resume with her just after telling me she wanted me but that it did not change the situation. It should be noted that he lived at home throughout these 6 months of exchange between me and her. She told me during these months “to cohabit” only with him to have complete custody of his child. Imagine my self-esteem … In fact, she used her son as the only excuse to stretch the suspense since obviously she was in her situation but uncertain of the outcome.
These sporadic messages were only to know if his plan B (me) was always addicted to his lips, that my heart was still in wait mode. In the meantime, she was probably doing the same thing with her ex-spouse, who was definitely waiting for a response from her offer. She obviously did not like him because of her sweet words that she shared with me, that I was a magnet, a kind of indescribable attraction that melted us both unlike him but made him believe to keep their home and his child full time.
She kept saying that she was not able to make a decision, frozen in time, that she was lost in her mind and that she could not find her place. Imagine who we face? It is an unusual mischief to manipulate people as well. This is the very definition of narcissism.
She sailed on two fronts with two men who love her and she found her account and kept her doors open. I understood her heartbreak in a sense since I was a shy, naïve and loving girl, I wore her in my heart and wanted to believe her at all costs and she played well with my weakness. She was so harmful and toxic to me that she drove me crazy. I am a single father of two children, I have a social life, university studies, a job that I love and I risk losing everything since my body could not stand these shots. In the evening, when my children were at my side, my body froze and I did not even have the strength to offer them even a little laugh so my pain was ubiquitous. I could not concentrate and my health was good. I affected all the people around me.
My heart struggled to such an extent that I had chest pains. I have not had any defense system like cancer. I did not know how to get out of it because obviously, this woman wanted only to m’attiser until my body flank, my heart gives in and my spirit flies away. She was just recharging her batteries of attention and love and leaving with my vital essence reduced to nothingness. I was trying to convince myself that she had no idea of the harm she was doing to my life but she knew it more than anyone else. She felt my intense pain at each of those moments when I was racing like a kid and ended up saying these tragic words: ” I’m sorry for breaking your heart again, it was not my intention, I will leave you alone ” …
5 times I have experienced this atrocious suffering … I was devoid of any sense, of all means and the only way I found to get rid of the anger that roared in me and this complete helplessness is to express my pain and pain with the world to get rid of my immune system. We should never suffer in silence and I hope someday someone will come across this message and say ” my god, this is my situation … I have to do something before seeing my lights and my glow turn off ”. Because these poisonous women, despite their angelic appearance, make us mend the dark and believe me, this is not a feeling that a person should experience in his life. Me, she extinguished my flame completely …
She took a man well, took away his esteem, his love of crazy love, his hope for a better future and threw him in garbage, he who had been present and this day and night and she continued his way with this other man who is now his only remaining option. The same man who, at the beginning, had cheated on him and left with their infant baby.
What an injustice … But to think about it, deep down, she deserves what she sowed and missed her chance to have a caring man, a devoted father, honest and with a big heart like the universe in his life. I did not deserve this spell and she did not deserve me. For eternity, in my mind, she will be that lady who will have made me suffer for no reason and will sink into oblivion. Only the thought that I will miss her deeply makes me smile because she can lie to herself, she knows her feelings very well and her bad choice will haunt her forever. This is my sweet revenge.
-A broken but liberated man who can finally turn the page of this painful chapter of his life!