Human beings are social creatures that depend on the development of relationships. Thus, we place a value on the people with whom we choose to share our life. When relationships mature and develop, they become more and more intimate and complex. Certain circumstances can lead to a break in our relationships – with friends, family and loved ones. Indeed, it is important to minimize and mitigate them when they occur.
So, what are these words we should not say? Sometimes we do not want to hurt someone by our words; this is where it becomes a little tricky.
READ THESE DECLARATIONS AND CONCLUDE IF INJURIOUS OR NOT:
“Sorry for not answering your calls and messages. I’m really busy. “
“It sounds so much fun! Unfortunately, I am busy with work. “
“I’d love to try this new place with you guys, but I’m busy with the kids. “
What do you think?
At first glance, these sentences do not seem prejudicial. After all, we all have responsibilities, so it’s safe to assume they’re really busy, right?
EH Well, let’s talk about three reasons why the words “I’m busy” could harm your relationships … and three ways to better solve this problem.
1. EVERYONE IS BUSY
This is not really a surprise: almost everyone is “busy”. If they are not “busy,” they probably feel “busy.” Saying to someone, “I’m busy,” too quickly becomes a replacement phrase to avoid some discomfort.
To be really “busy”, your schedule should be loaded to the max with just enough time for the family to eat and sleep. That’s busy. But most people have free slots in their schedule … and we should use these niches for people who care about us.
2. “BUSY” IS OPEN TO AN INTERPRETATION (OFTEN WRONG)
Most people are caring and kind hearted, so we’re going to give some flexibility to the people we’re interested in. But when something becomes a bad habit; a behavior that hurts us often, so we are much more suspicious of them.
Specifically, we’re going to believe the “I’m busy” to some degree … but when we suggest someone go for a coffee and he refuses for the tenth time, then we end up no longer believing to his “I’m busy”.
3. “I AM BUSY” OFTEN MEANS “THIS IS NOT VERY IMPORTANT”
Managing the balance of priorities is difficult for many of us. We are so focused on our career, our finances and other things that we struggle to find a balance between work and life. The problem is that the words “I’m busy” can lead others to think that they are just not that important.
In other words, “I am busy” can lead to feelings of rejection – of them, of their time, or of their feelings. Of course, we do not want this most of the time, but it is not the intention that is the problem here – it’s the impression – the impression that the person is just not important enough.
HERE ARE 3 TIPS TO BETTER COMMUNICATE IN RELATIONSHIPS :
GIVE A REASON
“I’m busy” or a phrase like this is extremely vague. Let’s take an example to illustrate what it would be better to say:
“My God, I’d love to have your kids tonight, but I’m too busy. “
“Unfortunately, I can not have your children tonight. Dave is already having a poker night tonight. “
Do you see the difference? The second statement gives the reasoning, which is very important when someone is told “no”, whereas the first statement is simply a catchphrase.
FIND A MOMENT
If you are very busy, make an effort to find another moment. If you know that your children need extra attention or if you have an infinite number of obligations, simply suggest another time.
Here is another area where an example is useful:
“I wanted to try this new restaurant! Unfortunately, I am very busy. “
“We will try this new place! I can not do it this Friday night, but let’s do it next Friday. I will be much more available. “
Once again, there is an immediate difference simply because of the way the answer is formulated. The first answer does not show anything except that the “busy” person wants to try the new restaurant. The second answer adds a little enthusiasm, while showing some initiative and flexibility.
It is important to pause and emphasize the importance of the effort in your relationships. Yes, indeed our energy reserves can be diminished because of the demands we face. That said, we must remember that relationships are really important; important enough to make some efforts sometimes, even if it’s difficult.
HAVE A HONEST CONVERSATION
Indeed, if you say no to someone – not because of time constraints – then it is important to have a conversation, as difficult as it may be.
For those of us who avoid conflict, it can be very (very) hard. But think about this: what does the other person deserve? Does it deserve that you avoid it?
Whatever the reason – lack of relationship, lack of interest, etc. – it is much easier in the long run than simply delaying the inevitable. It’s time to say “Goodbye” and “Good luck” instead of always saying “I’m busy”.