It’s a woman, a man or maybe a teenager with strengths and weaknesses, it’s you, it’s me … In short, “Madam everyone” is us all. She is in constant search of happiness.
Today, our “Mr. everyone” is called Guillaume and is 27 years old. Some of you will be able to identify with him for his idealistic, passionate, open-minded and sometimes … unstable, uncertain and cynical side. It depends on the days, moods and location.
Indeed, Guillaume likes to travel. Only here he seems to have a problem: when he lives at home in Nantes, he feels “a lack” and when he is at the other end of the world, he feels a “lack”. A bit like he was still fragmented like Ernesto Che Guevara who wrote to his mother: “Dear mother, what do we lose crossing a border? Every moment seems divided in two: on the one hand melancholy because of what one leaves. On the other side, the joy of exploring new lands.
This summer, Guillaume will start with Costa Rica for the launch of his new season of adventures, the fifth since his 21 years. He leaves himself 1 year to savor this trip.
By observing his life in recent years, we identify the logic of a loop :
1) IDENTIFICATION OF A DESTINATION -> Excitement related to the preparation of the departure -> Integration and pride of living alone and for oneself -> Experiences of all kinds -> Sensation of personal accomplishment -> New encounters -> New learning -> Active Life -> Fatigue -> Tiredness of the routine that settles in -> Feelings of lack of family and friends -> BACK .
The second cycle starts quickly:
2) BACK -> Homecoming -> Pleasure to enjoy your loved ones -> Appreciation of a cocoon -> Appreciation of a comfort -> Feeling of being different -> Sadness and / or boredom -> Feeling of lack of for strong feelings -> IDENTIFICATION OF A NEXT AND NEW DESTINATION .
We know addictions to cigarettes or alcohol, love addictions, smarphones, video games but the dependence on the freedom provided by travel remains little known.
Yet the words frequently used by “chronic travelers” like Guillaume are quite telling and are largely reminiscent of an addiction that fills a certain inner void: “lack”, “strong sensations”, “need”, “excitement”, “freedom” , “Experiences”, “escape”. Here is a beautiful antagonism: The dependence on freedom!
In general, and by explaining the motives of travelers, we understand that their open-mindedness allows them to adapt very easily to different cultures and mentalities. To be flexible and far from all affective and material attachments gives a pleasant feeling of freedom. The world is timeless. They live the present moment.
These people are particularly curious. They are in love with love, art, people, the world.
This open-mindedness is a very beautiful thing for humanity but it is sometimes badly experienced by the person himself when it ends up blocking the feeling of belonging. Indeed, these profiles chameleons are everywhere but are “at home” nowhere. They recognize each other a bit but do not look like anyone. They like a lot of things but nothing really fascinates them. They may have projects but are able to change them at any time.Finally, they draw in every way of life, in every culture but it seems that their goal, ultimately, is to feel fully unified and invested in the face of an inner loneliness. In search of an ideal, of a deep and existential sense.
This brings us back to the notion of “place”. What is my place? Where is my seat ?
These people are also extremely sensitive (although this aspect is often well guarded), which demonstrates a certain fear of commitment with the intimate conviction that it will always be better elsewhere. It is in this sense that the journey can be perceived as an unconscious therapeutic flight. For some, moving away from family, close friends or responsibilities can protect links that may be too intrusive and become one of the conditions for good psychological functioning.
They can attach themselves as quickly as they detach from any affective “object” perceived as threatening or as “anti-freedom” . They can therefore have real difficulties in creating real deep, lasting and authentic links that presuppose a desire to be completely oneself, apart from any representation of the “self” or the “other” idealized. They are in love with love. The word “routine” and the too orderly lives make them quiver.
They aspire to a peaceful world based on the appreciation of the present moment and filled with eccentric and enthusiastic people, interested and interesting, having treasures of life to share.
Finally, they generally carry a lot of positive energy around them and give a certain respect on the part of people who have preferred security. Moreover, they very often arouse admiration and feed on them willingly.
With time and listening to themselves, these people will eventually hear the sound of an anchor that is announced and will be aware of the mission of life that is theirs. They will then be able to enjoy the incredible richness of their multiple experiences and finally share their particular sensitivity.
Maybe, will they need more stability one day? Will a particular place capture their attention to make them want to stay there? Will a symbolic meeting transform the way they think? Will they be given a new mission that will help humanity to calm down? Or, will they be able to pass on their experiences to others through their tremendous generosity of background, creating something that looks like them?
No matter how these people will be in the world, they will never fit into a mold and will continue to follow their instinct, regardless of pre-defined standards. It is in this that lies their charm in all humility.
One thing is sure. They are fortunate enough to possess something extremely rich and rare: the experience, openness to the world and people, self-transcendence and thousands of memories.
Finally the goal is not to arrive at the right answer but only to find meaning in its existence. There are as many plausible answers as there are questions, in other words, there are answers to infinity. On the other hand, each of us must be able to find a spiritual sense as well as a place in this world, at least symbolically. It seems all the more difficult and long for highly sensitive and sociable people but it is also particularly promising!
Cultivate this beautiful difference without isolation and find your ” COMPROMISE DU BONHEUR “, which will bring together all the parts of you and will enhance your ambivalence. There is not only one life mode that makes you happy but only the one that suits you.
“Happiness exists only if it is shared” is the conclusion of Christopher McCandless, the actor of the movie “Into the wild”.
“Me, I’m no longer me, at least I’m not the same as before”, that of Ernesto Che Guevara.
What will be yours?
~ Mister everyone is not perfect but he is incredibly alive ~
– M –
The trip, a therapeutic leak? author: Maeva Olivieri
I wrote this new column thanks to the testimonials of many people who are passionate about travel or who dream of freedom and who are looking to not, or not to “depend” anymore. Also thanks to hours of philosophical conversations and of course, according to my own inspirations. We pick and leave.
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Maeva Olivieri is a Psychotherapist and Coach specialized in the image of Soi in Luxembourg. She writes the chaos of “Mr. and Mrs. everyone”.