The narcissist has an external core: a frisky beauty and a spectacular spirit, charm and intelligence. It is the “image”, the “presentation” that a narcissist displays for his audience; his followers, or his “enchanted circle,” is the catalyst he uses to bring his image to life. But it’s not real. It is not real.This is only an image. An illusion. The narcissist is master in the art of illusion.
Think about the image of the narcissist and your role in his life as if it were a stage in a play. You are important to him only for the scene to unfold and deliciously captures the approval of the audience. If, for some reason, the stage does not work in his favor, or if you do not improve the stage or if you do not shine the actor, he can easily, and without thinking, “eliminate” the piece. You are only an accessory.
You can be “eliminated” from his game for other reasons, too. For example, if for some reason you keep in their ‘game’ risk of ‘exposing’ or ‘revealing’ the real person under the ‘mask’ or the real actor behind the role, he can simply ‘eliminate’ you . It does not take much. A narcissist keeps only those who improve in some way his “false personality” or who undertake to improve his image. Once he gets what he wants from you, or as soon as you start to make it clear that you are not comfortable with this show, he will simply “erase” you from his life as if you are were not a “real” person with emotions and investments in the relationship.
The narcissists make you believe that you are dead so that you do not destroy their false world:
A narcissistic person does not see “love” like everyone else.
He sees “love” for another only according to what that other person can add to his life or image. Once the person can not add anything “positive” to this image, or threatens to expose the true identity of the narcissist, she can completely erase or eliminate this person in addition to no longer love him. Whether this person is a child, a spouse, a best friend or even a parent does not matter to the narcissist. Any parent or partner who, by the very means of his or her existence, is perceived as a threat to the image that the narcissist has created can be eliminated without further delay. For a narcissist, all people are useful only as long as they serve to positively improve one’s ego or image.
A narcissistic person is constantly wearing a mask, except in the intimacy of his most intimate relationships. Unfortunately, the more intimate the relationship is, the more likely he is to reveal his true self, the simmering person under the mask – MAN HIDING BEHIND THE CURTAIN. In the mind of a narcissist, revealing one’s true self means “destroying” one’s mask. By removing his mask, for lack of a better analogy, you “kill” him. And of course, he prefers to eliminate you from his world first, metaphorically speaking.
Some narcissists commit “mental” murder.
How? They simply ostracize you. They stop talking to you. They do not say your name anymore. They do not know your existence. If you were to meet them somewhere, they would not recognize your presence at all. For them, they killed you.
Maybe you were aware of something in their past, or maybe they told you about some dark secrets. As soon as you unveil their behavior, their lies or their false identity, they commit mental murder, they eliminate you from their existence in their minds. You know too much and you put in danger their fake little world they created.
This ostracization far exceeds “apathy” because it intentionally and deliberately involves acts of “mental murder”. By its very nature, apathy is not “intentional” – but ostracism is. The narcissist has intentionally and with direct malevolence aimed at destroying you, while trying to keep their false image alive and protect yourself from you.
Sometimes a narcissist becomes so entangled in his “image” that his true identity ceases to exist. Dr. Ablow likens this to “dissolving into nothingness”. The narcissist revives the character he portrays while his “true self” was killed by his alter-ego years ago.
Do they still know who they are?
Probably not. They list their many achievements so that everyone can hear them, without ever doing anything like that. But they really believe it. They really believe that they are chefs, expert psychologists, well-known journalists, heroes. You know the truth and that is why you have been removed from their lives.
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