I want you to go have a beer with your friends, that you are shattered the next morning and that you still ask me to join you because you want to have me in your arms, that we huddle together, grunting. I want to talk in bed in the morning about all sorts of things, but sometimes, in the afternoon, we decide to take a different path for the day.
I want you to tell me your evenings with your friends. You tell me there was a girl at the bar who was watching you. That you send me text messages when you’re drunk with your friends, that you tell me anything, just to make sure that I too think about you.
I want to start laughing while making love. Let’s laugh because we try new stuff and it just does not look good. I want us to be with our friends, you take me by the hand and you take me to another room because you can not go and you want to make love with me. I want to try to stay quiet while there are ears that could hear us.
I want to go eat with you, you make me talk about me, you talk about yourself. That one epilogue on North Shore versus South Shore, west suburbs versus eastern suburbs.
I want to imagine the loft of our dreams, knowing that we will probably never move together. Tell me about your projects that have neither tail nor head. I want to be surprised.
I want to be afraid with you. To do things that I would not do with another, because with you, I trust! To return too drunk after a good evening with friends, fuck and fuck everything. That you take my face, that you embrace me, that you use me as your pillow so you tighten me hard at night.
I want you to have your life. That you decide on a whim to go on a trip a few weeks. That you leave me alone here to be bored and wish to have a little pop-up of Facebook with your face that says hello.
I want to not always be invited to your parties and I want to not always invite you in mine. All that to be able to tell you and hear you tell me your evenings the next day.
I want something that will be both simple and not so simple. Something that will make sure that I will often ask myself questions.
I want you to find me beautiful, that you are proud to say that we are together. I want to hear you tell me that you love me and I especially want to tell you in return.
I want to do projects that do not even know if they will come true. To be in a relationship that is anything but clear. I want to be your good friend, the one you like hanging out with.
I want you to keep your desire to flirt with the other girls, but that you come back to me to finish your evening. Because I will want to go back with you.
I want to be the one with whom you love making love and falling asleep. The one who stays away when you work and who loves so much when you leave in your world of music.
One day, I’ll find you. “
This letter was written by Isabelle Tessier and is dedicated to the love she dreams of: a “love” she feels as independent and ideal.
We may agree or disagree with the idea that this woman defends, but what is clear is that many people feel identified with these words.
What does it mean to be neither friends nor boyfriends?
Being friends without being little friends supposes to break with the barriers that we impose ourselves in the frame of a relation.
This means that we must establish our own rules based on our real needs and concerns and not on the expectations that society creates for us.
Today, free relationships without commitments are in fashion. According to the eyes that look at them, they will have more or less advantages.
The people who accept and desire them claim at least two things:
Another way to enjoy sexuality
It is possible that two people who enjoy and attract want to have sex without establishing an emotional connection that excludes the possibility of having contact with other people.
It is also possible that two people love each other but do not need to be exclusive.
They prefer to be independent and build their lives without having to give explanations.
This is the idea that both members of the couple can decide the norms that govern their relationship, ignoring what society or fairy tales have sold them.
Of course, since this is outside the conventions, it is something that is extremely questioned.
Help to manage emotions
This type of relationship helps to explore and get to know each other both sexually and emotionally.
This type of relationship is as valuable as conventional or formal relationships, as long as both parties share their ideas and aspirations.
However, at the moment when this relationship hurts one of them, it is important to cut short and not prolong the pain unnecessarily.
It is likely that you think that magic is lost but it is the two people who create the magic, not the love that we all need to know and to aspire to.
That is why it is important to stress that each of us must aspire to respect the ability to decide and the criteria of each, to know what kind of relationship he wants to have in his life.
Thus, even though freedom in love is still a taboo subject in our society, more and more voices are being raised to promote tolerance and freedom of expression.
So, let each one freely decide how he wants to live his relationships.
The letter was first published by HuffPost Quebec, and was translated into English for The Huffington Post by María Ulzurrun.