The father who deals with the cries of the baby, who cradles him, who changes his diapers and who teaches him the first words is not “helping” the mother, he performs his wonderful role and responsible father . Here we see the nuances of a language in which, by means of traps and turnings of hidden sentences, we often fall and it is necessary to transform.
Today, to our great surprise, we continue to hear many people say loud and clear the famous phrase: “My spouse helps me in housework” or “I help my wife in the care of children”. It is as if the tasks and responsibilities of a house and a family had a heritage, a distinctive seal associated with gender and from which we had not detached ourselves at all in our thought patterns.
“The father is not the one who gives life, it is the one who educates us with love.”
The figure of the father is as important as that of the mother. It is clear, however, that the first attachment of the newborn during the first few months is focused on the maternal figure. However, today, the image of the progenitor where the iron authority and the foundation of the home was focused no longer has any relevance.
We must put an end to this obsolete patriarchal schema in which tasks are sexualized in pink and blue, in order to encourage real changes in our society. For that, we must sow the change in the private environment of the homes, and above all, in our language.
Because the father “does not help”, it is not someone who goes home and lightens the work of his companion from time to time. A father is someone who knows how to be present, who loves, who cares and who is responsible for what makes sense in his life, namely his family.
The brains of men during the education of children
We all know that the brains of mothers experience tremendous changes during the education of a baby. Pregnancy, breastfeeding as well as the daily care of the child generate a brain restructuring for the adapted purposes. It’s incredible. Not only does oxytocin increase, but the cerebral synapse also changes to increase sensitivity and perception, so that the mother can recognize the emotional state of her baby.
But what’s going on at the father’s? Is he a mere spectator biologically insensitive to this event? Not at all, the brains of men also change, and does so in a spectacular way. According to a study conducted at the Center for Brain Sciences at Bar-llan University in Israel, if a man has a primary role in caring for his baby, he experiences the same neuronal changes as a woman.
Thanks to several cerebral scans, performed both in heterosexual fathers and homosexual fathers, we could see that the activity of their tonsils was 5 times more intense than normal. This structure is linked to the warning of a danger and a greater sensitivity to the emotional world of babies.
Thus, this data may surprise many, but the level of oxytocin secreted by a father who plays the role of main protector is the same as that of a father who also has his role as mother. All this reveals what we already knew: a father can have the same kind of emotional connection with his child as a mother.
Paternity and motherhood
There are parents who do not know how to be present. There are toxic mothers, wonderful fathers who educate their children alone, and extraordinary mothers who leave their indelible imprints on the hearts of their children. Educating a child is a challenge that some are prepared and many others face as the most rewarding challenge of their lives.
“Men and women must feel free to be strong. It’s time to see genres as a whole, not as a set of opposing poles. We must stop challenging each other. “
Emma Watson’s speech at the UN
One aspect must be clarified: good paternity and good motherhood do not belong to the sexes, but to persons. Each spouse is aware of their own needs and will apply their own education and attention according to their characteristics. That is, it is the members who determine the distribution and responsibilities of the household according to their availability.
Thus, beyond the great efforts of each family in caring for their own home, it is also necessary for society to be sensitive to this type of language that feeds sexist labels and stereotypes.
Mothers who continue their professional careers and struggle for a good job situation in society are not “bad mothers” and do not neglect their children. On the other hand, bottle-feeding fathers who seek remedies for colic from their babies, who buy diapers or bathe their children do not help: they simply perform their role as a father.
Falling in agreement, being an accomplice of each other and knowing that caring for children is the mutual and not exclusive responsibility of one of the two will create this favorable harmony in which the child will grow up in happiness and first and foremost a good example.
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