We pay attention to their diet, we meet their needs, we play with them, we teach them to walk and read, we respond to their desires and we reassure them when they have nightmares, or when they are afraid.
But how do we know if we are doing it right?
We must never seek to be a perfect father or mother in the education of our children.
In reality, the problem is much simpler. We must be there for each of the stages leading to adulthood, offering them our support, guiding them to independence and helping them find happiness.
Educating does not necessarily mean giving the child everything he wants .
You have to teach him to satisfy his needs, and not to go into excess. This supposes that, in certain situations, we are led to say “no”.
We have to put limits, and that sometimes goes through decisions that are not to the taste of our little darlings. But that does not make you a bad parent.
1. Do not prove him right when he is angry
He asks you to lend him your phone to play, he prefers this dessert after dinner, he wants this toy he saw at a friend’s house, etc.
And you told him no. The child can then react in a totally disproportionate way, shouting and spitting anger.
If you decide to ignore it, it does not make you a bad parent. It’s even the best thing to do.
If you give in to this type of behavior, you validate his actions and you clearly show him that this attitude can allow him to have everything he wants.
Anger should be ignored because it is completely useless.
It is an infantile way of blackmail, which must absolutely not be taken into consideration.
2. Do not help him to perform simple tasks
If a child does not learn to solve easy problems at a very young age and is connected to his or her daily learning goals, he or she may not be able to become an independent adult in the future, and that he does not know how to be responsible for himself.
This is a danger that we must not ignore when giving it a foundation of education in its infancy.
Refuse to tie his shoes every day or to take care of part of his school homework.
It is not being a bad parent to do so, it is teaching him to be responsible.
He may protest at the beginning, saying things like “but I can not do it, I do not know, I do it badly, etc”.
It does not matter if he goes to bed angry, or he is mistaken about the answers to his homework.
What is fundamental in this aspect of education is to give your child the desire to do better tomorrow, by providing more effort.
He will discover what it means to be proud of himself, and he will be happy with the fruits of his own efforts.
3. He will not say
Childhood psychologists tell us that the critical age at which children begin to make their own decisions and challenge the authority of their parents is around 8 years old.
At this time, he acquires some basic notions about the concepts of justice, morality and respect .
We must therefore strive to guide him through these issues. He needs love, support, but also daily direction.
Repeatedly saying no to your child does not make you a bad parent.
You are simply setting limits, teaching him what is being done and not being done. You show him what you expect from him.
If you forbid him to use the computer before doing his homework, make sure to follow this rule every day.
If your rules are not stable, and what is forbidden today will be allowed tomorrow, children will not know where to turn.
Do not be afraid to say no when it’s necessary, but always remember to explain the reasons for the refusal, so that he can understand them.
“Today you can not go out to play because you have not finished your homework”, “You can not go out at night because you are still too small”, “You can not eat this dessert that will make you sick because you are allergic to it.
4. Do not always be physically at your side
This is often one of the main concerns of many parents. We would all like to be able to spend every moment of our life with our children.
However, we need to work, and it is sometimes difficult to coordinate our schedules with those of our child. Therefore, some days we hardly see it.
It does not make you a bad parent either. What really matters is that you make every moment you spend with your children, moments of quality, complicity, tenderness and love.
When you are at home with him, make it your top priority. Listen to what he tells you, answer all his doubts, and make every minute count.
Children must understand that we all have responsibilities. You work, and he has to go to school.
It’s not easy being 24 hours a day together, and it’s not desirable either.
Children need to learn to mature and find their own jobs, knowing that whenever they really need it, you will be there to support them.