The impact of an absent father, a toxic mother, aggressive language, cries or lack of security and affection in childhood bring more than the classic lack of self-esteem and fears that it is so difficult to overtake.
Often, the difficulty in solving many of these intimate and private impacts comes from an early-wounded brain.
The family is our first contact with the social world and if this context does not feed our essential needs, the impact can be constant throughout our lives.
Let’s see in this article in detail why it is so difficult to overcome all these injuries that one suffers in childhood.
Culture tells us that the family is an unconditional pillar (but it can be wrong)
The family is the last place to expect to be hurt, betrayed, disappointed or even abandoned.
- However, this happens more often than we think. These reference figures are normally obliged to give us the best, to offer us confidence, breath, positivity, love and security, but can sometimes “betray” us voluntarily or involuntarily.
- For a child, a teenager or even an adult, experiencing this treason or disappointment in the family bosom leads to the development of a trauma to which no one is prepared.
- The betrayal or deficiency generated in the family is more painful than the mere betrayal of a friend or a co-worker. It is an attack on our own identity and our roots.
Family injury is transmitted from generation to generation
A family is little more than a family tree, the same genetic code, the same family name.
- Families share stories and emotional legacies. Often, these traumatic past are transmitted from generation to generation in very different ways.
- In epigenetics, we are taught, for example, that everything that happens in our closest environment has an impact on our genes. Hence, factors such as fear, intense stress or trauma are very often transmitted from parents to children.
- This is why we are more or less exposed to the risk of suffering from a depression and we react with this or that tool against adverse situations.
Even if we put a distance, family injuries remain
At one point, we say stop and we dare to cut this harmful link to establish a necessary distance with this dysfunctional and traumatic family.
- Now, the mere fact of deciding to say goodbye to who hurt us does not in itself lead to the healing of the wound. It’s a beginning, but a definitive solution.
- It’s not easy to leave a story, dynamics, memories and emptiness behind you.
- Many of these dimensions remain attached to our personality and even to our way of connecting with others.
- People who have a traumatic past are often more suspicious, and have a hard time getting into solid relationships.
- Anyone who has been hurt needs, moreover, to feel re-affirmed. He wants others to fill his gaps, so he feels frustrated because few people can offer him what he needs.
In these cases, the first thing to do is to heal yourself as a person before looking for what others need.
One can question oneself
This is perhaps the most difficult and the saddest.
The person who has spent a large part of his life in a dysfunctional home or in a family with harmful education, can see himself as someone who does not deserve to be loved.
- The education received and the style of paternity or maternity in which we were raised erect the roots of our personality and self-esteem.
- The negative impact of these footprints is very intense, hence the fact that one has doubts about his own efficiency, his value as a person or even if one is worthy or not to pursue his dreams.
Our family circle can give us wings or tear them away. In some cases, it is sad and devastating.
However, there is something to remember: no one can choose who his parents will be, who will be his relatives. But there will always be a moment when we will have the ability and the obligation to choose how our life will be.
Choosing to be strong, happy, free and emotionally mature is something essential, hence the need to overcome and heal our past.