When you love someone passionately, you do not expect to have any doubts about the strength of your feelings. The interrogation seems contrary to the commitment. Even if you do it privately, in your head, in the middle of a sleepless night, while jogging, or taking a shower, it may sound like a serious betrayal.
After reaching a certain point, you do not want to ask yourself whether your partner’s values are sufficiently in tune with yours to move forward, long after the lecherous phase and in a lasting romantic attachment, or if you want the same things in the life, or if you can imagine parents together and grow old next to each other. You do not want to ask yourself these questions because it seems disrespectful to the person you love and what you have built together so far.
No matter what you feel for your partner, it is natural to feel confused about the relationship once in a while. You may doubt that the person you love loves you as much as it claims. You may doubt that your partner deserves the trust you give him. You may wonder if your couple will last in the long run. Especially when it comes to the heart, nobody knows everything.
The throes of uncertainty can arise without good reason, tickling your conscience and getting attention, even if it seems unjustified. On other occasions, your intuition may respond to blatant signs of trouble or subtle but significant signals. Unfortunately, it is difficult to know the difference. But it is always worth trying to decipher the root cause of all the doubts that arise. As uncomfortable as the process may be, facing uncertainty is the only way to get back to clarity.
You may have reasons to doubt your relationship, or maybe not.
You may decide that the woman or man you have long considered “the right person” is exactly what you need or not. You can choose to make the necessary efforts to repair all aspects of your relationship that are broken, or consider the situation as a lost cause. Relational doubts are not necessarily an indicator of insurmountable problems, but they can be. The morning you wake up wondering if the person next to you belongs, it does not necessarily condemn you to separation. But maybe so.
So listen to yourself, but with the utmost caution. Do not ignore your little inner voice, but do not become a victim of your own speculative thoughts either. Be as reasonable as your emotions allow. Ask friends and family for advice, but do not consider their ideas as more specific than yours. Seek therapy with a trained professional, but avoid horoscopes and psychics.
Consider all the possibilities : to leave, to deceive, to move, to ransack the apartment, to empty the bank account, but to understand the distinction between thinking, saying and doing something.
Unless you are a saint who has only pure and holy thoughts, do not feel obliged to express all the theories or opinions that pass through your mind. Complete transparency is not as healthy as it sounds, and we are all responsible to some extent for protecting one another from our minds. This does not mean that you can not communicate openly and honestly, but it does mean that you have to choose your words carefully, especially when talking to the person you love.
In the end, whether you have reason to be suspicious, paranoid or hesitant, whether you and your spouse are staying together or separating, you will both agree. The love is painful and disconcerting and exhausting and frustrating and incredibly impressive. It leads us to places we cherish and places we abhor. It brings out the best and the worst of us. Love requires sharp curves, steep hills and giant potholes. The terrain is irregular, and it’s normal. Whether it was simple or easy, it would not be so hard to find, feed, or let go. But no one ever died of a broken heart.
People grow because people evolve, often separately. But relations evolve too.If you stay together, your love will not be weaker because you have questioned your relationship. On the contrary, you will be stronger as a couple.