I will always talk about you as if you were still alive

But I hate the way people look at me when I talk about you, as if they needed to find a way to change the subject, as if the pain was still too fresh in my mind, as if it was dangerous to me to say your name.

I do not want you to become a taboo subject, something that my friends avoid like the plague. I want to continue telling stories about you. I want to keep talking about you as if you were still alive.

I am not crazy. I know you left. I accept that you will not come back. I passed the denial phase.

But I’m not going to tear up your photos and bury your memories in the back of my mind because it hurts me to think about you. Yes, there is pain associated with you, but there is also happiness.

I never want to forget you. I never want to lose the moments we shared.

So, I’m sorry if my honesty makes others feel uncomfortable, if they would like me to refrain from saying your name and talk about something lighter, but I’ll never stop mentioning how much you Make me laugh, how beautiful your smile is, how much your advice is still precious to me today.

I got to the point where I can talk about you without bursting into tears, and even if I end up crying, what can it do? What then? I am not ashamed to love you, that I miss you.

If others can not handle such emotion, if they avoid saying your name, that’s their problem. I will not apologize for being human.

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