When we are in a toxic relationship, we do not realize how much the effects of psychological violence are impacting us . At least not when you’re in the relationship. When we are in a bad relationship, there is a kind of addiction. It comforts us to know someone so deeply.
And we do everything not to get away. And even when we leave, we turn around many times because we miss the person. The adrenaline rush of intense emotions we miss.
Here’s what happens when you meet someone right after a toxic relationship:
You start by waiting for the worst.
And you put yourself in a relationship waiting for the worst with the person. For a while, you do not think that good people exist. Because for a very long time you searched for bad qualities and you accepted many people who did not deserve you.
See also: 3 Signs that show that you are in a toxic relationship
You think too much about everything.
You think that everyone has reasons or that people do not think what they say. You have surprised someone so many times to lie that you are now paranoid. You do not believe that people can be honest or think what they say. You make senseless assumptions and have doubts about really good people because of one person.
And very quickly, you find yourself explaining to him how you arrived at this conclusion, and your partner will remain perplexed. Not because you interviewed him, but because someone made you think that, and he just wants to change that.
You think it’s too good to be true.
When someone treats you well you think it’s too good to be true. You expect the situation to deteriorate. You expect to lose the person one day. You expect a brutal end. But every day, this person proves that she is the same from the start.
You had no reason to ask him questions, but it’s not that person you do not trust, it’s everyone in the past.
You push back your partner
Someone in the past has led you to believe that you do not deserve the best. So when you have it, you reject it. You are afraid of something good because you do not want to lose it. You do not want to hurt yourself again. But you will realize that when you flee, the person will pursue you. When you push him away, he’ll clutch you tightly so he will not let you go.
You expect disputes
You are constantly expecting disputes. But on the contrary, you talk about everything and explain your point of view. And then there is this wave of comfort and you realize that normal people do not leave as soon as something goes wrong.
You apologize too often.
Your partner will wonder why you apologize so often. He will see the pain in your eyes from someone in the past who has led you to question yourself. He will see the pain in your heart by trying to love again when you have only known immense chagrin . And he will reassure you constantly.
When a good person loves a person broken by toxic relationships, he tells her that she does not deserve all that has happened to her. He is redefining these horrible standards and choosing to be the exception.
Wondering if this person would not be better without you
You think your partner would be better without you, but the truth is that he made your life better , and it works both ways. And I know you are afraid to love again . I know you’re afraid to let someone get closer. But you are a good person thanks to your sensitivity, your compassion, your strength, your understanding and your lack of judgment with everyone.
In the past, you were able to love someone who did not deserve to be loved and intolerable. You found good in him. You gave him a chance. You never gave up on it. And now it’s your turn to have that.
You are not used to this new relationship, but that’s exactly what you deserve.
And when you finally get comfortable and accept that relationship, you love that person with all your strength. But do not try too hard. Do not think you have to. In the past, you have been taught that doing your best is not good. So, you had to try too hard. You had to fight. You had to prove yourself.
You must realize that you have done enough and that this person does not deserve it.
You trust him later.
There is a moment when you tell your partner everything that has happened. You will trust him and let him get closer. And when you tell him about your past and the people who hurt you, he will not run away. This will give him one more reason to stay.
I know that someone in your past has taught you difficult love. He taught you that vulnerability was a weakness. You must have been strong for a very long time and endured a lot of things you did not deserve. But someone good will appreciate you even more for overcoming this.
Finally, you will learn what love really is.
You will begin to learn that love is not meant to hurt you or humiliate you. Love is not supposed to break your heart. Love is not everything that comes in the form of jealousy. Whether it is making you jealous or jealous of you. True love does not play with your heart and does not seek to see you suffer.
You will realize that all this was not love, but control.
You rebuild little by little and without fear of loving again, but this time you do it right.