Here are the 100 benefits to staying single

  • You do not have to heat the blue card every month His birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, the anniversary of the meeting, the anniversary of the first time * put any event *, in short it often takes to prove his love (with money).
  • You can eat canned food in the box (or pan) without risk of remark Celibacy always has a delicious taste of metal.
  • You do not have to justify your most shameful hobbies And if you want to make a castle in your living room with the boxes of the move, nothing holds you back.
  • You will not be accused of having mistresses or lovers You will be a “Dom Juan” or “a libertine”, it is much classier.
  • You do not feel obliged to justify your delays when you return at night Because there are no more delays.
  • You can invite whoever you want, when you want at home “But of course you can bring back your friends? How many are they ? 50 … well, nickel, I have curls »
  • Nobody checks if you put on the same underpants / socks for two days in a row Washing clothes, it takes time and your thrilling single life does not always allow it.
  • You can fart without embarrassment It looks silly like that, but when you are constantly with someone, there is never any way to release all this pressure. Only you can be ashamed.
  • You can play a silly video game all night, and start again the next day and two days later. You were told just above that only you are the ones who judge you.
  • No need to raise the toilet seat … And incidentally no need to close the door either.
  • … Or more need to reproach him this raised toilet seat Never again cold contact of porcelain on your little buttocks in the middle of the night.
  • You can watch a whole season of a series of shit in a weekend and no one will judge you even if you did it last week. With the same season yes. But it’s true that she is good.
  • You can resume normal consumption of Danette caramel “family pot” And dip boudoirs in, because yes you like boudoirs, but you are ashamed to show it.
  • Your mother can finally take care of your laundry and prepare you in advance your meals of the week “Yeah mom, yes ham-shell still stp, hey, not skimp on the cheese eh? Go kisses mamoune »
  • You can decide to go on a weekend, like that on a whim Even to go to the Berry. It is no longer necessary to “foresee”, “to talk to him about it”, and “to negotiate”.
  • There is no one to tell you “do you really need this last drink …” “But do not even get drunk! “
  • You have good motives to pay attention level weight Every day can be conducive to a new meeting, so we hesitate a little more before starting the fifth part pizza of the evening.
  • You do not have to think about erasing your browser history (or surf anonymously) It’s hard enough to eliminate all traces of porn on your PC at work.
  • You can have a Zizou or Chris Pratt poster in your Si room , if you just have to have a good sofa in the living room to take your conquests one night.
  • You can keep your teddy bear collection on your bed if, if you just have to have a good sofa in the living room to take your conquests one night.
  • You do not feel guilty at the sight of all the hair that grows Certainly, you have the legs that sting a little. But secretly you find it nice to touch.
  • You can walk naked, all the time You can make your apartment your own nudist camp.
  • You can turn around when someone nice has just passed, without risking a remark No need to invent an apology “no, but it was to look at the dress, you would wear it really better”
  • You have less need to lie “But you did not get fat …”, “yes I liked Love Actually, not really …”, “oh 2 minutes you know it’s already good”
  • You can do good whenever you want Try just to finish this top before you put it, here is what you preheat.
  • You can live in your brothel You like living in your brothel, do not you? It’s like that that you find your stuff anyway …
  • You have more time for your personal artistic projects “Yeah I’m writing a piece right now, it’s the story of a potato chip and its impossible love with a tortilla, but it’s going on in the future actually, allo … I can not hear you anymore, have you hung up? “
  • You always have the last word in the choice of the film of the evening “But we have not already seen that one? “
  • You always have the bathroom free to take a bath, very hot and long And you will never have the place of the con with the tap in the back.
  • You can see your ex without risking a tense discussion “It does not exist ‘we have remained friends'”.
  • You do not have to support the meals at the family-in-law Especially that bring flowers for mother-in-law every Sunday, it’s expensive.
  • You do not have to endure the holidays with the in-laws “But of course we can end the day with a scrabble tonight, you joke I love it …”
  • Your outings are like outings, not double-dates when you drink a bottle of wine at four “I did not show you the pictures of our trip to Peru … oh, you’re going to go”
  • Your pet only cuddles you Good he wakes you morning too …
  • You can forget some showers on some Sundays “Roh go, it’s ugly, and I do not expect to go out …” said that sweet, evil voice in your head.
  • You can wear a jog / pajamas as soon as you come home with slippers that are the same for 10 years.
  • You can listen to the songs you are ashamed of, freely And not to the headphones on your iPod pretending that you are listening to a podcast of France Culture.
  • You do not have to hang out with his old friends / old friends who anyway have never been able to blair you “Ah hello Francis – I ‘m Julien in fact – Yes, oh you know, she often changes guy, it’s hard to remember all these names »
  • You can cook a rotten thing without worrying about the result “And a little mustard, hop paprika, laughing cow, baking soda, well we are good there …”
  • You know that your mother hates all your ex and Mom is always right.
  • You like knickers, and boxers grind you nuts And it’s important nuts …
  • You’re no longer ashamed to wear grandma’s panties Yes, it’s like a horse’s ass, but what’s comfortable …
  • You hate the rule of “what’s yours is mine and vice versa” Swap your Steven Seagal collec for a razor for the legs, thank you very much …
  • Your bank overdraft depends only on you And your banker is really not bad.
  • You do not take the risk of spending part of your Weekend in Ikea “Do not do it to me, we’ve already been through this department. And no, we do not need an electric salt shaker.
  • You can watch porn in your room. “Youhou! “
  • You can assume the fact that in truth you are in love with Régine / Sardou It’s time to get out of the closet.
  • You never have to simulate in bed Simulate all alone, it would be a little stupid.
  • You can register and play on Tinder “Fuck, but it did not exist before I met you this thing … if I had known – you said what there! – Huh, no, nothing, are we going to Ikea? “
  • You can take the time to finish this study to determine the hermaphroditism of the Lapland beavers “The world must know”.
  • You do not shout while whispering when you scream. Besides, you seldom berate with yourself.
  • You can allow to yell on the objects in which you enter “Slut table shit to con, puteputeputepute the table, puteputeputepute the table !!!! “.
  • You have the right to express your enthusiasm when you see an atomic bomb on TV “Bogosssssssse !!!! Maxi bonasssssssee !!!!! “.
  • You can lie on the couch all over the couch. Even with your shoes …
  • You can come home drunk and make all the noise you want “And meeeeeeerde there’s nothing more to peck, PITANCE !!!, I do not care I attack the corned beef, I do not care I do it”
  • You can put death-stinking cheeses in the fridge until they form a mutant entity by mixing with each other.
  • You do not have to answer tricky questions constantly “Do you prefer red or black? – The black ! – Pfff, you’re really an asshole! “
  • You can watch porn in your kitchen “Youhou! “
  • You do not have to reassure your man about his sexual abilities “But if it’s not bad 2 minutes, I swear, anyway I prefer when it’s short”.
  • You can watch the very last episode of a series without it being considered a betrayal “You did not wait for me to watch the last Game of Thrones … Get out of here, you monster! “
  • You have the right to fart the knees to the person who makes you a joke on catherinettes “26 years old is not old brothel !!!!! “
  • We never take you in flag singing a stupid music with a hair brush as a micro walk with the broom, hair dryer …
  • The kids you do not have will never make their teeth Take this, fictitious kid bastard!
  • You can lick the knife AND put it back in the pot of Nutella Yum, yum, the good sprouts …
  • You do not have to suffer the aftershocks in the Parks with kids “Dad look I’m doing the wheel – No you miserably crunch and you better be good at math seen how you are bad at sport – What? – No, no, nothing is very beautiful darling! “
  • You never blame yourself for eating the same thing as yesterday’s pasta? Yeah. Cool ! “
  • A wedding, it costs an armor Nothing in rice already that sleeve …
  • A Pacs is not given either Nothing in Ebly already that sleeve …
  • You do not have to occupy your spouse while you are looking to get at Club Med “Do you come here often? “
  • You watch porn in your bathroom “Youhou! “. Yes it’s a lot of porn we agree.
  • You can choose the music you want by car No Radio-Nostalgie it’s not “nice”.
  • You can take a cannon au pair without someone blaming you for it. Not even if you do not have kids …
  • You can make the firefighters believe that you need a little help in the apartment when they come to sell you a calendar every year “There is fire in my kidneys, who’s going to extinguish it ? “
  • You do not have to remember parental code for TV Even though everyone knows it’s 1-2-3-4.
  • You do not have to clean out old beard hair and everything else in the sink and in the shower. And in the bed. Everywhere brothel, EVERYWHERE!
  • You do not do “showers for two” This is only class in the movies, it says …
  • You can talk on your own And get upset with imaginary characters.
  • You can make yourself “skin masks” without anyone being there to call you “The Mask” Clay is first and foremost the friend of the single.
  • You can watch “Z’amours” and consider yourself happy to be alone. You can even find Sexy Tex if you really do not like it …
  • You do not have to ask the question of “his” loyalty Your right hand is 100% reliable, and at worst you have left.
  • You can throw paper dumplings in a garbage can for a day and even that you have become hyper-broom.
  • You can self-persuade yourself that you work, while you do not care. Procrastination is your only valuable ally in life.
  • You can look yourself in the mirror for a long time And even tell you that if you crossed the street you would get well.
  • You can swap Nadine from the account without remorse The one who laughs when … well when we make him a joke.
  • You do not have to find his “cute” cat bastard nor support the dozens of framed photos of his “Simba” feat.
  • You can have roommates with whom you can just be friends.” Again ? But we did it last year !! “.
  • You can drink directly the stuff from the fridge to the bottle Without recapping, without knowing what it is, and without looking at the expiry date.
  • You can host your pals / girlfriends stuffed and take pictures when they fall asleep in the bathtub.
  • You do not have to push him / her when you feel you are throwing up. To drink Danao expired like a con directly in the fridge too, it was to be expected.
  • You do not have to convince that the sheets change every two weeks max “But I do not care if they are dark …”.
  • You do not have to share your french fries “You said you did not want to mess with them, you said you did not want them !!!! “.
  • You do not have to pretend to find that cabbage when he / she sings Disney’s disgusting songs And worse and more …
  • You can eat a tin can watching football The combo cliché dude. A dreamy afternoon!
  • You can sing in a microphone while listening to Beyoncé in your pajamas while you’re goinfrant de glace, without being shaved . Priceless.
  • You do not have to find yourself at the restaurant on Valentine’s Day like ALL THE COUPLES These small tables of 2 who look at each other in love with each other have something pathetic about them.
  • You do not have to finish all your SMS with “I love you” or “Take bread”.
  • You are lucky to find that this top is for you Because you are told that celibacy is really hype.
  • You can share this top on your Facebook wall It’s not already done?
  • Anyway, the only person you love unconditionally is you And you make it well.

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