At first, narcissists can be charming, attractive and interesting. Of course, when your relationship started, you did not know he was narcissistic. He was the most charismatic and caring man of all time. Quickly, you saw his true face: you saw that he was vain, manipulative, and that nothing is ever his fault, and everything turned into a nightmare.
To go out with a narcissist is an emotional roller coaster. When you are with a narcissist, everything revolves around him, and he is the center of attention. It’s confusing, exhausting and emotionally difficult. After a while, you realized that the only thing you could do was leave this unhealthy relationship. But, the break does not end your emotional suffering.
Breaking with a narcissist:
Each break is hard and painful. But, most breaks follow the same pattern: one of the partners leaves, both grieve for a while, and everyone continues his life. But, when it comes to narcissists, everything is different, so you can not expect the same kind of breakup. Narcissists are very competitive, they like to win, and have a fragile ego. If a narcissist leaves you, he has found another victim to emotionally abuse him or he let you play with you and he will be back soon. If you are the one who leaves a narcissist, you attack his ego directly.
See also: What does “I love you” really mean to a narcissist?
The only way to leave a narcissist is to cut all ties between the two of you. It is impossible to remain friends or keep any contact with this person after the relationship. He needs to emotionally abuse someone, and if you stay close to him, he will quickly bring you back into this endless circle. Even before you know it, he’ll use his manipulative skills against you, and you’ll end up in some kind of relationship with him.
All that implies a narcissist must be chaotic; it’s just a part of his personality.
So, do not expect your breakup to go smoothly. A narcissist feels threatened when you leave him. Expect a great fight, expect him to insult you, or even threaten to leave you alone. He may try to blame you for everything that has happened in this unhealthy relationship. But keep in mind that you were the victim and do not let him blame you. He will try to do this to directly affect your self-esteem. He knows he’s the one who hurt you, but he does not care. Because he does not care about you.
All that matters to him is to have someone he can emotionally abuse. And he knows he can manipulate and emotionally abuse you only if you feel worthless. A narcissist will try to manipulate you and play with your mind.
Another possible scenario is that it will promise you to change and that it can not live without you. He will beg, plead, negotiate and tell you everything you want to hear, just to give in. He can even threaten to commit suicide. You may feel that he has finally realized that you really count and that your relationship deserves to be fought. But, do not fall into the trap! He will use all he can to seduce you and charm you as at the beginning. He does not do that because he loves you. And he does it because his ego is hurt, and he can not admit he was wrong.
If you reconcile yourself with a narcissist, you will feel like you are at the top of the world. He will be the best boyfriend you could ever dream of having. But, only for a short period of time. Soon, a narcissist will return to his old habits, and you will fall back into this cycle of emotional abuse and torture. Remember, it will never change.