For more than a year, I was repeatedly asked why I was single. Although I do not think this is a question I have to answer, I feel that writing this article to be beneficial to many people who are currently in the same situation. My answer to this question might surprise many people, which in itself is a good reason not to answer the hard questions.
Maybe the first thing to consider is that it’s a good thing to be single.
It’s a time that offers incredible opportunities for personal growth when you take healthy action. Being single is neither a social malady nor a sign that you are unkind. According to the beliefs of the patriarchal society, being single is frowned upon and stigmatized in some way; as if we were not worth enough.
The message we transmit to the world is very important, not only to be understood by others, but to understand who we are. Being single is both a status and a personal statement. Being interviewed continuously can create insecurity, low self-esteem and a false sense of incompleteness. Whatever statement we make, it must have a solid foundation. To do this, it is essential that this period be used to make healthy and wise choices.
During this time, we have more time for ourselves.
The activities we choose to do determine who we are and who we want to be in the near future. It is a period to join different groups which allows a certain degree of creativity. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of options to join creative classes and different social groups where you meet new people.
One can choose to join a group of singles with the intention of meeting someone special. However, most social groups include single people. I think it’s more important to focus on finding the group that will allow us to explore our creative abilities and meet our expectations and interests.
We could meet someone special, or not.
What really matters is to grow and evolve into the person we want to be. The rest will come to life when we are ready. Everyone must be single at some point in their life. There is no need to be in a relationship to be complete. Living under the pressure of this belief could lead to engaging in a relationship with the wrong person, and someone who feels the same.
When we start a relationship everything changes. There is an increase in personal value and self-esteem. If we are with the wrong person or think we deserve better, want better, etc., it is very likely that one or both partners will continue to look for someone else. It is not respectful to use someone for that purpose, or to treat us that way.
When being single is a personal statement of who and what we are, there are certain aspects to consider.
It’s time to be alone and meet other people. It is possible to keep a good balance. Being asked about our situation many times does not help. I use this time to do what I want. We all have a purpose in life and sometimes it’s easier to do it alone. Everyone will not understand our choices. Being in a relationship because one owes it, could be as harmful because the feeling of loneliness is not worth the love.
There are many people who value themselves more than others and who are not ready to settle for the first person who has an interest in them. This does not mean that there is something wrong with the other person, but we can realize that a relationship with her has no future. When we understand that it is perfectly normal to be single, this period of loneliness will bring us the right person at the right time.
Wanting a relationship at any cost, not only creates pressure and instability, but it emits an energy of desperation all around us.
This energy can be perceived by others and make a person very undesirable. The most attractive person may become the least attractive because of this energy. It’s very unhealthy. This is manifested when someone who has been single for a long time finally enters a new relationship. He did not only find love, but a relief. It is very likely that by working with this energy, he will sooner or later start looking for someone else.
Being single is a time to find our goal in life or to achieve it. The last time I met my teacher Claudio Naranjo and the members of his team, he delivered me some important messages. One, “you are a writer, find the right space to write and do it simply. Even though I have not yet found the ideal space to write, I continue to write. We can not wait for the right circumstances to achieve our goal.
The other message, and perhaps the most significant one, touched me deeply and in a way I saw it as a result. Here is what he said: “Some people want to heal – for selfish reasons, to have a comfortable life and to have a healthy and comfortable relationship; but seeing the current state of the world, we would like to believe that with such a gift, they would go there to help repair the world. “
The priority in life is not to be in a relationship.
The best relationship we can have is with ourselves. It is time to start dismantling all beliefs on this subject and celebrate our current situation. For some, Valentine’s Day is a real trauma because they are surrounded by people who live in a relationship. Although this is not a true fact, giving importance to this only allows us to see what we are missing and not what we have.
As I mentioned earlier, the message we deliver to the world is very important, but it is also very important to pay attention and realize what the world is asking for and why it is asking for it. I could give you many examples, but today I will only mention a few. I am a father. When I say it, I’m never asked why I’m a father. I am also a writer. Same here. I was never asked why I was a writer. However, in the majority of cases, when someone realizes I am single, the question is almost inevitable.
What most people do not seem to realize when they ask this question is that what they really ask is, “What’s wrong with you? “
We are very often unaware that when we disapprove of others’ actions or push them to change their situation, in reality we express our fear of being connected to a reality in which we would not want to find ourselves.
There are many reasons why you are single. I could have given an account of my personal situation, my beliefs, wishes and desires, but as I said, we are not obliged to explain ourselves. What is important now is that we all have a responsibility to others to help and make this world a better place. As I am aware of this fact, and know my purpose in life, I live every day with what I create and what presents itself to me. Sometimes I think of a new relationship, but that’s not what drives my life. Tomorrow I may meet someone very special; or maybe I’ll spend the rest of my life alone. Anyway, I live here and now and what is not there has no influence in my life.
When we try to explain ourselves to the world to be misunderstood and misinterpreted anyway, we lose our true power and separate ourselves from the true purpose of the soul. No matter how much we explain ourselves or how often, there is always someone ready to misunderstand our reality. It’s about their fear and who they are at right now, not who you really are. You do not have to explain yourself. Just be yourself.
We continue to try to explain and even apologize for our actions because we have been conditioned to do so in childhood. You are no longer a child and your choices and decisions are as valid as someone else’s. As long as we do not harm anyone, we all have the right to be ourselves and as we want. Celebrate the magic of our individuality and learn to integrate and accept the peculiarities of others. Putting our differences aside and working together to achieve a common goal is what humanity needs, and that is our reason for being: Uniqueness.