Have you ever heard of the phrase “The apple never falls away from the tree”? and “birds of the same plumage assemble”? These sentences were not invented by themselves, they appeared because the probability that they occur is higher than the opposite result.
How often, as a society, do we recognize a unique case? Someone who overcame all the obstacles and realized what we consider great? Why do you think this happens? In my opinion, we highlight these cases because they are rare, unique, a kind of anomaly in the masses. We are so often confronted with the stereotypes of what is likely to happen, what people are likely to do, that we are victims of this cycle. So when someone comes out of this spectrum, we tend to be attracted to him.
The same thing happens when we are uncomfortable. Think about it. Nowadays, we always surround ourselves with things that are familiar to us, things that reflect us and are in keeping with our worldview. Our Facebook preferences filter ads and topics we do not want to read. Our Netflix account uses algorithms to determine what we should look at based on our old decisions.
It’s so easy for us to stay in our comfort bubble. But how often do we stimulate change when we are comfortable? Do we meet true love when we hide in our room instead of venturing into the world? The answer is no.
Being uncomfortable, or as Dr. Brené Brown says, “vulnerable” is known to cause pain, to bring out fear or to bring out shame, it is also where joy, growth and happiness.
Think of a moment in your life where you felt the most connected, the most understood. Was it when you pretended to like watching a sport because you thought it would make you look cool? Probably not. Maybe you felt open and vulnerable when you confessed to your close friend that you were fighting financially and that you did not know what to do. Or maybe it was when you confided in a parent about an unhealthy intimate experience.
When we let others see us as we really are, we allow the light to enter. When we are not afraid of what others think, we facilitate deeper connections that we all aspire to. Remember what made your best friend so special when you were a kid? One of the reasons was probably because he or she knew one of your most valuable secrets. Maybe with hindsight, the mystery was something stupid or banal, but at the time it was important, and that was what connected you.
Humans are trying to connect. We aspire to feel understood and loved. Most of the time, we prevent ourselves from receiving the connection. We built walls to protect ourselves. We shield our minds from opposing points of view to avoid distress. We continue our existence by trying to control everything in order to be happy when in reality we simply have to let go.
As Dr. Brené Brown so eloquently said, we must have the courage to be imperfect, to have the compassion to be kind to ourselves, to give up those we believe we should be and to become are really.
The true connection is the result of true authenticity. Feel comfortable about being uncomfortable because that is where your true potential lies.