6 tips from psychologists to stay calm during an argument

“Conflicts wreak havoc on our brains. We are prepared by evolution to protect ourselves whenever we perceive a threat. In our world, we do not fight like a badger with a coyote, and we do not flee like a rabbit with a fox. But our basic impulse to protect ourselves is automatic and unconscious. – Diane Musho-Hamilton

Emotional Intelligence (“IE”) is defined as “the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others”. Low IE usually leads to an inability to remain calm, resulting in more conflict, while high IE leads to less conflict and better ability to remain calm under pressure.

Conflict is inevitably part of life. Even the coolest, calmest person will experience interpersonal torment at some point in his life. In most cases, people have no control over what happens next.

The only aspect of a conflict that we can control is the way we react. This does not mean that the suppression of this process “automatic and unconscious” is simple, it is not.

But we can learn to recognize and manage our negative emotions. We can surpass, to a certain extent, this innate physiological response.

We can learn to stay calm during any conflict, even in the midst of an argument.



The ability to stay relaxed and centered during a conflict depends on your ability to relax the body. Superficial breathing is the body’s innate response to stress. By suppressing this natural response and practicing deep breathing, it helps the body to stay calm.

Inhale deeply through your nose before slowly exhaling through your mouth. Smooth, deep breaths will stop the production of two stress hormones: adrenaline and cortisol.


Focusing on the physical sensations that occur in a conflict makes it possible to change them consciously. When you focus on your body, you may feel tension, shallow breathing, etc., occurring with stress.

When you notice your body starts to stretch, put yourself in a neutral position by relaxing your shoulders and hands. This open position communicates positivity through body language and often resolves conflict.


A person will argue, or some other kind of conflict, if they feel they are not listening. On the other hand, it is impossible to defuse a conflict without attentive and active listening.

When someone speaks, focus on what the person is saying. Ignore any thoughts on building an answer. Once the person finishes speaking, you have the necessary information to answer intelligently.


Open questions are valuable for resolving conflicts. First, the open questions show that you listen carefully. Secondly, these types of questions show respect to the person by allowing him to articulate his thoughts.

Learning to ask open questions can be a little tricky for some people.

The easiest way to avoid asking questions with “Yes” or “No” answers is to not use the words “Do you have,” “Do not you,” when you ask a question . Instead, use the words “What,” “Why,” “When,” and “How.” Try now., You will quickly notice the difference.


The simplest way to worsen an argument is to raise your voice. On the other hand, one of the easiest ways to calm a conflict is to lower the tone of your voice. The level of voice is also related to blood pressure.

The first step is to calm the initial anger of the other person. You can not do it by raising your voice. On the other hand, you can quickly convey a sense of calm by making the conscious decision to lower your voice.


All conflicts will not result in friendly or pleasant results. However, you can avoid making the conflict worse by politely disengaging from the conversation.

Moving away from an argument is appropriate if the person becomes more and more hostile, or the conversation leads nowhere despite your best efforts.

Human beings are emotional creatures, and this ability to feel can be used either to our advantage or to our detriment. It is also important to forgive yourself if you have to act unbecomingly.

By following one or more of the six tips given, you will certainly feel more confident in your future conflicts. As a result, you will use your emotions and self-regulation to your advantage.

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