“The gift can be anchored in a benevolent heart, but having the ability to keep that quality is accompanied by a rational mind. A rational mind that allows the person to know when to give, what to give and who to give, without inflicting damage and others on the long term. Michelle Roya Rad.
People can be categorized into one of three groups: donors, takers, and in-between. Most people are in the third group, and there is nothing wrong or abnormal about being a donor or a taker, as long as you give priority to each action.
Then there is the minority of people who are “donors” or “takers”. The actions and behaviors of the first group come from a benevolent nature, while the primary motivations of the last group stem from self-interest.
People who tend to give are warm, selfless and empathic. The gift (of their time and resources) is expressed by feelings of happiness and joy, for both the donor and the recipient.
We need more donors in this world, when we see all the problems of society, it seems obvious.
However, when the act of giving has no limit, it can become counterproductive and unhealthy. It is essential for donors to balance their innate kindness with a realistic perspective.
Why is it necessary to find a balance between gift and rationality? There are several reasons, but here are the most important ones:
- You prevent others from taking advantage of you
- You prevent selfish people from entering your social circle
- you prevent help seekers from asking you for “help”
- You encourage those you love to be independent and autonomous.
- You avoid potential feelings of regret and guilt
How do you know if you give too much of your person?
Here are 6 potential signs that reveal that you are giving too much of your person:
1. YOU HAVE NO MOMENT FOR YOU.
The fact is that we need rest and relaxation. This is not an option. Your brain and your body must refuel and recharge to be productive and happy (that’s biology!) Find moments for you.
To do this: Plan an hour or two a day for yourself. These 1-2 hours belong to you, do what you want and do not let anyone spoil them.
2. NEVER NEVER SAY “NO”
The inability to say “no” can ruin your life. Have you ever accepted something with a smile while wanting to say no to deep inside? If the answer is yes, then this indicates that you are giving too much of your person. You have the right to say no, with or without explanation.
Do this: Make a short sentence while remaining polite and firm. (“I’m very busy with this project I hope you can find someone else.”)
3. YOUR HAPPINESS IN PÂTIT.
While donors enjoy helping others, they are just humans. High levels of stress and adrenaline can lead to unexpected consequences, including alterations in brain chemistry. When this happens, it is difficult to predict the outcome, but most of the time it results in anxiety or depression (or similar symptoms).
– Full consciousness or meditation
-Start to say “No”
– Practice deep breathing techniques.
– Consult a therapist (many employers have an employee assistance program that will help you with confidence.)
4. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM SOLVENT FOR EVERYONE.
People call you at any time to tell you their problems. Of course, you are too polite to shorten the conversation, so you listen … and listen. After about 20 minutes, they ask for your opinion / solution.
To do this: Turn off the phone (if you can not ignore unnecessary calls) or put it in silent mode after a certain time. Most importantly, stop being the therapist of everyone, take care of yourself.
5. YOU HAVE MORE DRAMA IN YOUR LIFE.
For a reason you do not know, you feel an underlying feeling of stress and drama, and you do not know where it comes from. Now, if you give too much of yourself, you will open the door to more drama.
Do you say this: More donations + More people = More drama
6. YOU ARE ASKED TO BE HARMFUL
Your help or self-donation should not require you to become dishonest or compromise your integrity.
For example, making false excuses for someone else or covering another person are hardly ever forms of help and healthy giving.
Do you say this: Healthy help does not usually involve deception, secrets, or violating our moral code.