The past shapes your life undeniably. You have lived many experiences, and each has forged something in your character, your personality, your identity. Each adds abilities, skills, sometimes it strengthens, softens, or refines your being at each of your steps.
You are not always aware of it, so go back for a few moments, and look at the road traveled objectively.
See, as you have learned many things. Through encounters, difficulties, joys, sorrows, trials, failures and successes, you experience incredible learning, a source of constant evolution. Any experience is rich in terms of achievements. And behind all experience is a “gift”, somehow a benefit that can be drawn to his advantage, to grow out.
The past is therefore a source of enrichment if one leans comfortably on it.
And it’s not always easy, I grant you!
The past can give you answers, if you bother to concentrate a few moments on it; by taking the interest it deserves to apprehend more easily and more serenely the daily.
What if you searched in your past, to better understand your current life, and to guide your future? What would you want to deliver? I invite you to try 3 essential and effective exercises.
The 3 exercises to get rid of the past (that we drag like a ball)
1- restore esteem by using its past
To use all that one knows, to appreciate it, and to do it well, is incredible asset . So the past comes into play in determining what you have learned and who can serve you today.
– You have learned to count and read, it serves you every day.
– You learned to walk, ride a bike or drive a car, it serves you every day.
– You learned how to cook, vacuum, or do laundry, it serves you every day.
– You have also acquired knowledge, forged talents, developed skills, and all this serves you if it is not everyday, at least occasionally.
Many examples that are valid for one or the other. And like everything that becomes mechanical, these actions go unnoticed. Pity !
How to do ?
1) take advantage of all these experiences of the past
From all these experiences, draw a strength. Be proud of yourself, what you do, what you have, who you are today. There is no question of narcissism or pretense – which breaks humility – but just to be satisfied with you. The past can be a perfect catalyst if you decide it is.
– Focus on the positive aspects and benefits of your experiences. Always.
– Acknowledge that you have learned what you needed. At every moment.
– Make a strength of this person that you are, the one inside your deep self, who knows how to listen to his heart. Every day.
– Do what you can do, and do it with pleasure.
– do not choose to be a victim.
Life is like a carnival. There are thrill rides, frightening rides, some funny, jokers, dubious, others where you win every time, unless you lose. And then, there are those who come back constantly taunt you although you are not decided. Like in life. And besides, certain situations are repeated over and over again. But how to stop the infernal machine? The one who constantly makes you say: I’m always sick, I never have luck, I always happen funny adventure. By getting rid of the negative influences of the past (Exercise 2)
2) find the gifts of the past
Book 10 minutes of your time.
And your pencils! Take a sheet, draw 4 columns, and let your memory go to complete the chart.
For each positive experience, indicate what it has brought you. It can be skills, skills, abilities, qualities, evolution, well-being.
For each negative experience, indicate the “gift” behind it. Even if an experience is negative and it still moves you, look for what you can find positive, no matter how small. If for example, a person has cheated on you, you have become more vigilant, more attentive.
Positive Experiences – Acquired / Skills / Abilities – Negative Experiences – Positive Gift / Benefit
This exercise is very interesting, in more ways than one! On the one hand, it allows you to be aware of your qualities, your skills and abilities to increase your confidence; and on the other hand, it makes it possible to relativize events by becoming aware of the positive effects that they can take.
However, there are situations that give you a hard time, and you do not see the “gift” behind it. Which is quite understandable. It all depends on the situation and the importance you have given it. It also depends on your degree of tolerance or affect, and your emotional shock. Someone who is assaulted is likely to have more or less difficulty in “digesting” the situation, and will not immediately see the “gift” behind it, which can be for example the strengthening of his intuition and his emotions which gives him more vigilance. Of course, for everyone the “gifts” and situations will be different, since each person is unique! And if an event remains marked in you, and it makes reflect particularly unpleasant emotions, I invite you to the next exercise.
2- get rid of the negative influences of the past
The past has an influence on the present and future life and not to be blocked by events that reflect even if they have not been invited, here is an exercise in 1 or 3 stages, depending on the nature of events. To practice urgently as soon as the emotions rise in you like eggs in snow.
How to do ?
First, choose the right time, and take the necessary time, being careful not to be disturbed.
– Choose a quiet place conducive to this exercise
– Sit comfortably: you can sit on a chair, or on the floor, legs bent, buttocks resting on the heels (you can put a cushion under your buttocks for comfort), or lying on your back, according to your preferences.
– Be sure to keep your back straight as if you were stretched by the top of the head, and if you are lying down, your body flat on the floor.
1) make contact with your injury
– Close your eyes
– Visualize the situation that is causing you difficulties
– See the images that come to you
– Let emotions rise, without fear and without judgment
– Once you are in contact with the emotions, pay attention to them with great kindness (these are your emotions)
– Welcome your emotions, let them express themselves and be there in you
– Listen and feel what’s going on inside you and what they have to say
– Then ask them to leave quietly.
Depending on the nature of the situation, this phase may be enough, and you can use it in many cases, as soon as you feel emotions rising in you (during a stress stroke for example). If necessary, complete the other two steps:
– Accept this situation, difficult as it is.
– Yes, accept it mentally, putting all your heart
To accept does not mean that you agree and that you approve what happened, no, not at all. Accepting simply means that you recognize that this situation has occurred despite the consequences.
Forgiveness does not mean that you give reason to the other, or the right to start again, but you forgive for yourself. You forgive to dare to be yourself, and to dare to be finally appeased. There is no point in nurturing negative feelings, because in a way, you are fighting against yourself.
– Forgive the other …
– Forgive yourself for your own reactions that have caused and may still be causing you harm …
You forgive others, but most of all you forgive yourself. You forgive yourself for the reactions you’ve had, simply because you did not understand and you were hurt, you also forgive yourself for letting the other hurt you.
3- to be reconciled with his past and to stop recurring situations
Some say they never have a chance, always have colds, others think they only fall on liars, thieves,
Or be systematically have.
And as by fatalism, these events can encompass you.
Can it be otherwise?
First of all :
Do not consider yourself a victim, letting life shake you, but rather like someone trying to swim, and taking your head out of the water to breathe.
Take a fresh look at the situations that are repeated in your life.
They can have 2 origins:
– a diagram,
– a teaching.
If you think about it well, you may find that you are reproducing patterns, such as those of your parents.
These awarenesses, sometimes difficult or obvious then allow you to know you better, and to notice that the events are cyclical only because you decided to go into this schema. There is no point in staying attached to this scheme, which is not yours. Which does not mean that you have to separate from others! Only, live your life without being obstructed by principles, events that make you suffer. Understanding that you are reproducing patterns, often tells you the why of things. Why you can not reach a professional career that is important to you, why you do not have lasting relationships, why you need to value yourself at all costs? etc.
If, for example, you have the impression that others are abusing your kindness, and that displeases you greatly – so that each time new “trials” come to you -; would you need to learn to say “no”?
There is no point in wanting to transform your nature, kindness is part of you, but rather than being too kind, be true, and dare to say no, if you can not or do not want to. The others do not have to judge you according to the services rendered!
I find that the past, for many, is an important part of life to understand, and to accept to move forward.
This step, far from being easy, is capital and allows to see you in a new light, to accept you, to love you, to make contact with the appeasement, to finally break with the repetition. In a way, your past builds you, teaches you to evolve and be yourself.
How to do ?
To finish with the unpleasant situations that are repeated in your life, here is what I propose:
– Become aware of the recurring situation (schema, teaching, or both!)
– Get in touch with this situation and the emotions that spring up spontaneously,
– Welcome these emotions with kindness,
– Thank this situation for appearing in your life,
– Discover the “gift” behind and what you could understand (describe what you understood),
– Inhale deeply, feeling peace in you,
– Exhale by emptying the maximum air quickly, thinking “I free myself from this situation”, and imagining this situation away from you and be attracted by the sun and burned by its rays,
– Take several calm breaths,
– Drink a big glass of water
Each trailed a part of his past, which he digested more or less easily, because it often has an influence in the present moment.
Past difficult, incomprehensible or unacceptable, let it emerge in your life every day, will not change it. So you decide to make it your ally or your worst enemy, with the consequences that follow.
By plunging into your past, you will find happy moments, but also dark and painful parts that you would prefer not to remember! Your past is past, it’s an old story that stays in the past, think about it or brood over it, will not change it! Why do you want to get around it, smother it, pretend you never lived it? Or even pestering, moaning? Although this may be a relief for a moment, this past, however painful, is classified in the “memories” file. Why is he suddenly coming back? Because you have given it importance (perhaps excessive), and you are and remain bound to it. But good news: you can change your perception and your way of apprehending it in the present.
These 3 exercises give very good results, I have experienced them myself, and I invite you to use them.
If these exercises do not bring you the expected benefits, it’s a safe bet that a blockage blocks the road, and you do not have the outside look, or hindsight enough to free you. It must be admitted that the past is so personal and delicate. Can I help you. I then propose you an accompaniment session with a brief therapy method, which can be enough to unblock your situation, and to feel a soothing appeasement.