I am in my forties, I have two wonderful wonderful children, I have achieved things that I feel proud of. I love and love my life and everything I’ve done, but over time, in the light of my experience, I understand that I would have done things differently, if only I had known before very simple but important things. That’s why I would like to share with you what I think a 30-year-old woman needs to know.
Here are the 20 brutal tips that any 40-year-old woman would like to pass on to the 30-year-old:
1. Do you like and accept yourself totally
I am sure that I could have avoided many mistakes if I had accepted what is right and what is wrong with me. When you have learned to love yourself, you will also love and accept others. This advice is very important to establish links with your peers.
2. Enrich your mind
If you do not yet know which way you want to engage, and you do not know what you really like, try something new, go to events you’ve never attended, do new experiences until that you find something that gives you the feeling of being free, something that will allow you to flourish.
3. Look for support
I tried for a very long time to overcome all the difficulties alone, or just with a little help from my relatives. Then, I realized that friends and family can really support you in difficult times or situations, and that this reality is very important. You just have to dare to ask.
4. Be honest
Before, when I encountered a difficulty, I simply put a smile mask on my face, and I continued as if nothing had happened. Only a few relatives knew what really happened to me. But we must not be ashamed to reveal our problems, we all face difficult situations, and that’s part of life. In addition, people who really appreciate you will get closer to you, knowing that you have problems, joys and moments of sadness just like them.
5. Live for you
I have dedicated much of my life to taking care of others without taking care of myself. Result: I had a life much more complicated than it should have been in reality. Remember, you can never make everyone happy, so start doing things that make you happy, and your life will be a lot better.
6. Do not make too many sacrifices
Sacrifice is a necessity in every relationship; because we are all different and so we all have different needs. The sacrifice is acceptable if both parties concede it in the same way. If you sacrifice your needs and desires to please others, you have to ask yourself if it is worthwhile to continue in these relationships. Do you really need these in your life?
7. Travel more
This is perhaps my biggest regret. I did not travel enough when I was young, and yet I did not have children. I was wrong. You can choose how to spend your money: buy souvenirs or items. If I had known that at the time, I would not have bought things that I did not need, and I would have visited at least one new country each year. Journeys give the feeling of freedom, they open the mind and allow us to realize that life can be different elsewhere.
8. Do you worry less
Before, I was constantly worried about everything. This fed my anguish and my personality changed to the point of making me sometimes unrecognizable. It must be understood that worrying you does not change things. It is better to start accepting the things that come up. You will realize that, all things considered, you will eventually solve everything, and you will do what you have to do, and that worry does not change anything in the situation. When I realized that, my stress level dropped immediately.
9. Stop comparing
Sometimes I think social networks should stop existing. It’s one thing to compare your life with your best friend’s, and another to compare it to your Facebook “friends”. It hurts. You will only be able to overcome it if you understand that comparing yourself with others will not change your life. However, you will have a low regard for yourself.
There will always be someone more intelligent, more beautiful, in short, someone better, and we must accept it. When I feel that I am going to start comparing myself to someone, I say to myself that I am very lucky to have everything I have, and I feel very good with myself.
10. Forget dreams of perfection
I grew up with the “Disney Syndrome”, it’s like I thought that one day, I would find my Prince Charming, that I would get married and that I would be happy forever.
But all this has nothing to do with reality. After divorcing twice, I took my dreams as a little girl, and threw them in the trash. When you do that, you can start thinking about yourself without expecting anything from others, and you will start living here, in the present moment.
11. Live to work but do not work to survive
If I could start from scratch, I would like to try different professions to choose the one that suits me best. When you have found your calling, you can continue doing what you do for the rest of your life, and you will understand that living to work means “loving and respecting your decision”. Many people were chained to a job they did not like because of the salary they received. This situation is not healthy, although sometimes we have no choice.
12. Save money
You will tell me that it is not obvious. But I did not do it when I was younger, and now, when I think about my parents, who are retired, I tell myself that I have to organize financially my old age. Life is constantly changing, and it can leave you with a lot of surprises. Save money, it’s predicting and smart.
13. Give more
I understood a little late that I like helping people. Whether it’s volunteering, charity, or just helping a close friend who is in a difficult situation. When you do something for someone, you forget your problems for a moment.
When you do it with the heart, without expecting anything in return, the problems of your life slowly begin to find a solution, and in unexpected ways.
14. Forgive and forgive others
Throughout my life, I was angry because of difficult situations, and I was convinced that it was the others who were wrong.
But one day I realized that not forgiving myself and forgiving others for their past mistakes would not make me happy. So I decided to change. I took a little time to let go of all these feelings, but in the end, I felt really free. Let go of the past, and you will understand that life is beautiful.
15. Do not waste your time with negative people
It is sometimes difficult to avoid relationships with negative people, especially if they are colleagues or some of your family members. But you can always choose the type of friends you want to have in your life and with whom you can enjoy good times. When you really know what are the limits that protect your tranquility from the bad energy of others, you will know that without this negative influence your life will be easier and happier.
16. It is very important to know how to say “no”
I always had a hard time saying no, I always wanted to say yes and please everyone. But it’s an impossible task. Whenever I said “no” I tried to justify myself or to explain myself. Today, it is obvious to me that saying “no” is very important, and that nothing compels me to justify or explain why I do not want to take responsibility for doing something for someone. If you are sure of your right to say “no”, the other person will accept it more easily.
17. Think carefully before saying “yes, I want it”
I have divorced, and it is hard to accept, but now I know what I want, what I want and what I deserve. It’s easy to dive into emotions and feelings: I counted the days I spent with my spouse, I wanted to have more than I had, and I got married, convinced that everything would change for the better, simply .
Indeed, everything has changed: everything has become worse. If you feel that the relationship you have now will not last a lifetime, or if you find that there is an excess of “but,” then think about your relationship with that person. It’s easier to end a relationship before it gets too serious.
18. Look forward to the simple things in life
We live in a world where everyone is connected to their cell phone, and that does not help to enjoy life. Contemplate a sunset, get up early to see the sun rise, look at the starry sky, smell the flowers, go to the beach or the mountain, watch the nature.
“Life goes too fast, you could miss it if you do not take the time to contemplate it”.
19. Stop worrying about what others say
I would have liked to understand that a long time ago! What others thought about me bothered me a lot, and I did everything according to what people expected of me.
When I realized that what others think about me defines who they are and not who I am, I was able to motivate myself more easily and do what I really wanted. When you become yourself, and you no longer seek to please, life is much simpler and more enjoyable.
When I was younger, I wanted everything to be predictable and stable. For years, I thought it was easier to envision my life in this or that way. And when I had to deal with big changes, I was not ready.
Now I know that the only sure thing in life is that everything is changing all the time. When you become aware that you can face everything in life, you will be ready to face any obstacle.